Cinderella
Once upon a time lived
a family with one daughter, named Cinderella. They lived happily, suddenly her
mother felt sick and died. Then, her father decided to marry a widow with 2
daughters. She was an evil. She killed him only 2 months after their wedding.
Since then, Cinderella
lived only with her stepmother and her stepsisters. Cinderella was trying to be
kind to them. She offered her stepsisters to lived in her room, but her
stepmother took the advantage of her kindness. Her stepmother asked her to
sleep in the warehouse. She also has to
do all the job like cooking, washing the dishes, clothes, and mopping.
She did all of that
until one day she met a woman older than her in the woods. The woman just moved
from town. Few days later she tell Cinderella that the prince was ging to host
a ball next week and anyone could come. She tell her to come and Cinderella
tell her she would consider it.
Cinderella ask her stepmother if she could go to the ball but she didn’t say a word and quickly walks away. Cinderella take it as yes.In the evening her stepmother and stepsister went to buy a gown. Cinderella was left in their house to do the chores.
Days pass, a week has
gone. That day the ball was held. She
asked her stepmother to make sure that she could come with them but her
stepmother didn’t allow her. Her stepmother tell her that she didn’t has a good
gown. Cinderella was sad and she run away to the woman’s house. The woman knew
she didn’t have a gown and she offered her to wear her wedding gown. She came
back untill the time for them to go to the ball after they left, she went
there.
She saw the prince while he was dancing with a
princess from another kingdom.When the prince saw her, he asked for a dance.
While they were dancing she introduce herself and tel her life story. He found
her so interesting and tough. They didn’t realize that they have been talking
to each other until 11.45 pm. Cinderella almost forget that she should come
back home at midnight. So she say goodbye to the prince and ran away from the
castle. The prince sort of liked her.
When she left, she ran
to fast and she left her shoe. It’s just an ordinary shoe but the prince kept
it in case that she would come back. After a few months she didn’t came back,
he decided to search her. He finally found her after searching for 2 weeks. He
invited her to come with him to the castle. After a few months, they got
married and lived happily ever after.
I think that in this post you still have some grammatical errors. The main tense used here is the past tense but there is still present tense in it. The events in this story are interesting. I like the way that you change the 'real' Cinderella story in yours one. Overall, you did a nice job!
BalasHapusI think you did a nice job, but you did make severals grammar mistakes. You could fix it :)
BalasHapusThis post is amazing. Unfortunately there are several mistakes in grammar. You did a good job changing this story to your own version. You did a good job but the point is you should be more aware of grammatical error. You are talented at this
BalasHapusThis post is amazing. Unfortunately there are several mistakes in grammar. You did a good job changing this story to your own version. You did a good job but the point is you should be more aware of grammatical error. You are talented at this.
BalasHapusGood Composition. The composition is very interesting and expressive. Try to add more detail so that the reader can have a vivid imagination about your story. Keep up the good work! :-)
BalasHapus